Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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