How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
