I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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