I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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