I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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