I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
