I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
