How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
