you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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