xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
