it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
