I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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