i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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