Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
