I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
