I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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