I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i've created a new STD.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
