sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
