then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
