tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
