3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
