that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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