Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
