I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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