Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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