I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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