forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
