things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
