The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
