YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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