we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
pray to the hookup gods
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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