I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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