We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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