I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
