I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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