I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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