So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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