hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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