Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
