Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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