yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
