my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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