There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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