she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
