she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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