I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
