After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the day after is always just damage control
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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