Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
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thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
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Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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