I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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