Fuck appropriateness.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
