i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
