i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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