Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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