youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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