We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
ttyl tear gas
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
