dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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