Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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