i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's official drugs can't kill me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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