pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
