no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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