When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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