I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
