i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
